Back from Hell... and Back to Hell

I am HOME! That place where your dog is excited to see you 'cause you've been gone for 5 days and left her at the mercy of your Sergeant, and your dear friend, Mary Jane. She seems to have fared well. I know Mary Jane loved on her in the mornings, and that got her through the day.

I think today was the worst of the pain infliction. Possibly because I was already sore from being tossed around the rest of the week. Possibly because I got tossed on my shoulder. It's not supposed to hurt as bad going from your knees to the floor, as opposed to standing. That however, is debatable.

Today we we defended ourselves from "Edged Weapons." The first rule of a knife attack is, and I'm not making this up, "Expect to get cut." Okay. But remember, it's defensible with Deadly Force. So they give us these "shock knives". You turn it on, and it emits an electrical charge. I told my partner that if he hit me with that thing, he'd have a long drive ahead of him all the way to Washington, Georgia, with that thing sticking outta his butt. He took extra care not to hit me with it.

Now, some of the other "partners" were absolutely brutal in class. I refused to hold the shield yesterday for the ASP training, as they were whaling the SHIT out of the poor person holding the bag. Fortunately, some of the others think that crap is FUN, and I didn't have to take a turn at it. Just whale the crap out of one of them for myself. But that's okay. Like I said, for the one-on-one stuff, my partner took it easy on me. Thank God!

Then we had a bit of grappling and weapon retention. I will say that I did come away with a TON of good information, and learned some techniques. But when I get injured, I want it to COUNT for something. Someones going to jail. And rather dishing out only what I get, by God, they are gonna take a worse hit. Ya know?

We are on the ground. I'm sitting on my partner. And he tries not to toss me too hard. Maybe that was the problem. If he had tossed me like he would have a bad-guy, I would have landed on my back, which may or may not have been better than the hit I took to my shoulder. Plus, he was trying to be careful exactly what he grabbed - if you know what I mean. All that being on my knees, in addition to the hits earlier in the week, have taken it's toll on my bad knee. And now my shoulder is killing me. I went to the grocery and can barely lift a bottle of orange juice. This getting old stuff SUCKS!

We had to take a written test before we could go home. I got 100%. Not a big deal, really. Out of 14 people, all but 3 got 100%. Those 3 got 97%. Just pay attention and review your notes.

I get home, get my puppy kisses, and take my stuff to my bedroom. My Sergeant SWEARS he was the only one who came in my house, and I'm inclined to believe him. Thank goodness I had taken the time to make my bed, because, there, on my pillow, is a gift from my shift. "Milan's Taser." There is a joke behind that name for it, but it is a HUGE dildo. A little gift to let me know they missed me. When I get real bitchy, whether it's that time of the month or not, they threaten to go buy me one. Being a single girl and all. I guess they just couldn't pass up the opportunity while I was gone and they had access to a key. I shoulda seen it coming....

Yes, I know this could be considered harassment, but I asked for this "man's" job. I actually appreciate the fact that they feel comfortable enough around me to talk like they do, and treat me like they do. 'Cause the fact of the matter is, I know that when it really counts, they are gonna be there for me with bells on. Even on the littlest things that they might let someone else handle on their own. And vice versa.

I got a load of laundry going and decided that if I got as far as the hot tub at the gym, I might not make it home. Instead, I went to Headquarters to swap out laptops. I called the "IT" guy on Wednesday to tell him what happened. He said he needed to see my computer to make sure it didn't affect the internal part of the plug. Despite what I described to him, he said he would set me up a spare computer and I needed to leave him mine. He said he'd get it back to me on Tuesday - that is if it didn't need to be sent off. Okay, no big deal.

So I drive up there and go to Dispatch, where he was to leave me the spare. He left me a spare computer alright. One that takes the same kind of cord mine does. And guess what he didn't leave me??? A cord. Shocking, right? Not really. That's what we're dealing with.

I immediately went in search of the Major. Found him and the Captain in the Supervisor's office. Jeff looks at me and says, "Give you a brand new computer and you tear it up." I called a time-out and explained what happened, and WHY I was standing there in the first place, instead of at home licking my wounds. They just shook their heads and the Major took me in search of a cord. I found one that plugs in the wall - no cigarette lighter - and checked. Yep! That was all that was wrong. (I'm on MY computer as we "speak.") I can plug it into my power inverter in the car, no big deal. I won't have a printer 'til it's straightened out. But what's a printer without a computer?

Then, I went in search of a gossip update. It would seem, the wicked-bitch-of-the-whatever (can't think of anything good) has gotten her nose pierced. Nice! I haven't seen it yet, and don't much care if I ever do. However, it would seem that she did just as I predicted and has withdrawn her resignation. There is much speculation as to whether or not the Chief has accepted it. I asked the Major and the Captain, and neither seemed to know - or weren't saying. If he has indeed agreed to let her stay, I can assure you that his opinion polls are gonna be lower than President Bush's ever thought about being... Meanwhile, it also seems she is being evicted from the house she is renting - for the 3rd time this year, and driving around on an Expired Tag, which no one - myself included - has the balls to write her a ticket for. I should have gotten away with so much. I just don't GET IT!

So now I am at home. I have caught up on the latest Grey's Anatomy and Desperate Housewives. I think I shall read for a while, take some good drugs, and go to bed. I can't believe it's not even 10:30 yet!

I ALMOST feel guilty for taking the night off...